I have a 3 and a half year old and a 2 year old. I have no idea how it has happened. I doubt I’ll ever not be emotional on their birthdays. Part of me is grieving the time that has passed, the fact I have kids and not babies anymore and the overwhelming feeling of how proud I am. One thing I do know is how lucky I am to have these wee people in my life. They made me mummy and it’s my favourite unpaid job in the world!

I had a small bump from early on and it wasn’t very obvious I was pregnant. I tended to hide it as I didn’t want anyone commenting on my size, like most people do when you mention you’re expecting.

I came home from my first shift to a steak dinner, a glass of Prosecco and card written by Kerr (he tried) saying how proud he was of his mummy for going back to work. It was everything I needed.

Contains reference to a mans penis. I wish I was kidding.

I wish I had their energy.

We could have a 5am rise and they are undefeated until their 7pm bedtime. I look like deaths door and they could run a marathon.

I put Alba in Kerrs cot, took kerr off Callum and began to strip him. It must have been instinct because I’ve never had any friends or family who have experienced a febrile seizure before. I didn’t even know at that moment that’s what it was. Whilst stripping Kerr I told Callum to phone an ambulance.

I’m all for an easy life! I’m probably a marketers dream because if I like it I buy it.

I remind myself daily, that little Alba was very much unplanned yes, but not unwanted.

Their wee cuddles make my heart melt, their wee cries make my heart hurt and seeing them smile could make my heart burst.

I genuinely love them as much as I love my own babies.

The best moment ever: when you first met your newborn. The moment you took in their beautiful baby features, touched their soft skin and heard their first sounds. The only time hearing their cry is a relief. Holding them for the first time and watching everything they do, finding every expression adorable and filling up with love when they wrap their hand around your finger for the first time.

Picture the pants, the pads and the droopy boobs. What a sight eh?

And trust me: Once you’ve seen some foods you’ve eaten come back up, you’ll never eat them again.

So as a great birthing partner, I never watched any of the videos or read a book. Homework is boring.

This was it, our family of three was about to become our complete family of 4.

I’ve learned not to lick or smell anything that you accidentally put your hand in. Just go wash them.

I have so much more respect for women who look like they have their shit together. Maybe I look like I do but some days I’m treading water.

Everyone tells you that you’ve got your hands full

Yes thanks pal but the second arrived with no return label

I was the worst patient….

Its a known fact that midwives are the worst patients. There’s no denying it. We know too much, we ask too much, we demand too much and we are just overall pains in the arses as patients.

Yes, this was me.

I peed on the stick

I put the stick on the sink

I pulled up my trousers

And the test was positive

All within about 20 seconds.