8 months later…

So its 8 Months later….

And I have, what I thought was, the worst hangover of my life.

The night before we celebrated our best friends Wedding. I was so fortunate enough to be bridesmaid and well and truly enjoyed the night once the evening guests arrived and her train was bustled.

I did have my 8 month old to look after but luckily we were staying over at the venue and he fell asleep at his usual time in the pram with his ear defenders on!

I woke up knowing that I would have a hangover as it was only the second time I had drank since having Kerr (No matter if I had 2 drinks or 20!). I honestly didn’t have an excessive amount to drink but still felt awful. I had a cold shower and we headed home via McDonalds.

Fast forward to the following day and I was still dying. I swore to Callum that I would never drink again if this was the punishment for having a good time. I slogged through the day and by dinner time I thought I had been sent for. I even declined a Chinese - Callum was then questioning If I was actually unwell and not just hungover. I’m all about the scran!

Scrolling through my phone later that night I stumbled across the Flo app and my heart sank. My periods had been all over the place since having Kerr and I think I had only had 3 since he was born (this is actually normal).

I opened the app and was greeted with a lovely statement of “log your period now, 20 days late”. I was in a complete state of shock, surely not? Surely its not been this length of time that Ive not had a period? Have I missed logging one on the app? Na the dates wouldn’t make sense then!

After telling Callum and seeing the colour drain from his face we decided the only way to be certain was to take a pregnancy test. I had ones left over from the multipack I bought pre kerr and they were digital, So I knew that there would be a clear answer in approximately 3 minutes.

I peed on the stick

I put the stick on the sink

I pulled up my trousers

And the test was positive

All within about 20 seconds.

Callum heard my: (Excuse my language) “F*ck offffffff” from the living room and came to see what was happening. I nearly had to pick him up off the floor.

An early pregnancy scan was booked for the closest possible date and time to bring us out of denial.

Well….

There was miss Alba cooking away nicely at 8 weeks gestation! I felt terrible. I hadn’t been looking after myself and had been drinking at our friends wedding. All of those emotions had over ridden that I would in fact have 2 babies 17 months apart.

If you thought we were shocked, you should have seen our friends and family reactions. The very much screaming in delight reaction with kerr was now a “OMG don’t even joke about that, or, aye very funny” before handing over the scan picture!! Everyone came round to the idea but every so often there would be a “i can’t believe you’re having another one”!

Albas pregnancy was rough. Another hyperemesis batch and a toddler to look after was hard. I was also back to work and was doing 12.5 hour shifts. I worked as long as I could until I felt the shifts, the sickness, the pregnancy and my toddler got too much. I went off sick and focused on my expanding family!

Alba was measuring small on scans from 28 weeks. I was scanned every two weeks which was just a continual worry. None of them brought good news and when we went for our last scan at 38 weeks I was admitted to the hospital from scan department. Alba had stopped growing and was estimated to be less than 6lbs. The blood flow from the placenta to alba was poor and I had reduced fetal movements. I knew we weren’t leaving the hospital without a baby!

Subconsciously I knew this before we left the house to go for our scan. The hospital bags were in the car and I cuddled kerr tears streaming down my face, knowing I wouldn’t see him for a couple of days and that I would be turning his little life upside down by coming home with a little sister! This was all before I knew the outcome of the scan. Pregnancy does something to you, you just know your baby and know your body!

My plan was to have a vaginal delivery given there were no complications however as Albas weight was a concern I was taken for an emergency section the day after I was admitted.

She was a tiny 5lbs 8oz, a lot smaller than predicted, but she had, and still does, the highest pitch cry and let everyone know she had made her arrival. She was petite but perfect.

I was now a mummy of 2, just 16 months apart!

Looking back I feel so guilty for not being happy to be pregnant again. The shock, the baby who wasn’t even walking yet, the return to work, the second mat pay was a lot to handle! But Callum and I have both said that we would never have found the right time to have another baby. We both agreed that Kerrs birth was traumatic in ways for us and would we want to put ourselves through it again! Everything happens for a reason and Alba has honestly been a blessing we didn’t know we needed. She’s completed our family and has given kerr a best friend for life!

I have just recently returned to work, another 8 months later, not pregnant!!!!, but finding this transition quite a juggle. I hate leaving the babies and hate knowing there’s milestones, birthdays, events and more that I will miss. I hope we will get into a routine soon and it will get easier.

Let’s hope that Birth&Body can lead me places I could never even imagine and give me the life-work balance I’ve dreamed of.