I was the worst patient…

I was the worst patient….

Its a known fact that midwives are the worst patients. There’s no denying it. We know too much, we ask too much, we demand too much and we are just overall pains in the arses as patients.

Yes, this was me.

My friend and colleague was my midwife with my first baby, Kerr, and it was honestly amazing. She kept me calm, reassured me when needed but most of all told me to get a grip when I was being irrational. As midwives, we are trained for every scenario possible, and in my head that was how my birth was going to go. I was convinced I was giving birth to an elephant sized baby, I was convinced that I was going to have a preterm birth, I was convinced I was going to accidentally give birth at home when I had planned as much pain relief as available to me and I was convinced that everyone would be too busy or caught up at work and I would give birth alone. See - Irrational.

(Looking back, I’m shocked she never sacked me as her patient.)

I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) at 6 weeks pregnant and basically vommitted rings around myself morning noon and night. I lost a lot of weight in early pregnancy and was admitted to hospital for IV fluids several times. As the pregnancy progressed it did ease, allowing me to consume my body weight in foods that I had missed for nearly 6 months! (Brutal).

In the final week of my pregnancy, I was becoming increasingly concerned about Kerr movements. As mums, before we have even seen their little face, we know our baby. I knew that something just wasn’t quite right and that he wasn’t “running out of room” as often said.

I attended triage and was closely monitored by more of my amazing colleagues and medical team who ensured I was well looked after. After a few visits we had a discussion with the medical team and we made the informed choice that an Induction of labour was best for us.

We attended the antenatal ward at 8am, bags and snacks packed, preparing for a long few days of waiting about. I was given a vaginal pessary to try and induce labour which would be repeated in a further 6 hours. I watched the friends reunion, bounced on my ball, ate - a lot, and went walking around the hospital. 6 hours later the most that had happened was I had peed approximately 900 times. The second pessary was inserted at 5pm and before we knew it regular contractions were happening and I was in labour.

I had been “educating” Callum throughout my pregnancy on why and how things happen, how TV shows and films portray certain scenarios and how my birth would not be like that. Well: In true movie style, at 11pm that night, my waters broke literally all over him. His shoes were sodden and he had to change his full outfit. It was like a wave, exactly how I told him it wouldn’t be.

I used the bath as pain relief, paracetamol and had the morphine injection in the antenatal ward before being transferred to labour ward. I was then offered Gas&Air (Entonox) which definitely helped slow my breathing and gave Callum a bit of a laugh of how “Out it I was” to quote him!

It became evident shortly after arriving in labour ward that Kerr was in distress and we were taken to theatre for an Emergency Caesarean Section. He was born at 03:21 to “Together in Electric Dreams” by The Human League playing in the background. He needed some resuscitation and breathing support but was brought to us just before the operation was complete and we were taken to recovery.

After many visits from all my friends and colleagues in recovery I couldn’t help but laugh at the “Typical midwife causing Drama” and the “What are you like” comments, because they are so so true! I was a drama queen from the minute I found out I was pregnant and vowed I would never put myself, Callum or my colleagues through that again!

Until the test was positive just 8 months later….