callum's experience as a birth partner!
Nobody tells you that the seconds, minutes, hours, days and weeks leading up to the day your baby arrives will become the most testing moments in your relationship. It will be full of such amazing highs, designing and decorating your baby’s room and incredible lows, being trapped in your own head worrying if you will be a good partner during birth and father to your child for the rest of your life.
As a birthing partner I was provided with an abundance of links to videos, books, articles, posts, stories, reels, TV series you get the idea. I was given a lot of homework to prepare for the day our baby boy, Kerr, was brought in to the world. As a teacher the debate around if homework is effective or not came to mind. So as a great birthing partner, I never watched any of the videos or read a book. Homework is boring.
The one thing I made sure I paid attention to was the baby bag for when Kerr was born. This proved to be vital information and should be on every birthing partners checklist. This bag was no normal bag. This bag was like Aladins cave of treasures. But instead of treasures it contained more bags! And the bags had vinyl titles for what should go in each of these bags. There were bags for nappies, baby’s first outfit, tiny baby outfits, newborn outfits, 0-3 outfits… the list goes on. But there is one bag that kept me sane throughout the lengthy day of being a birthing partner. The bag that was labelled ‘Snacks’! Now, this bag saved me a few times from the dreaded ‘hangry stages’ and tiredness. All joking aside, be involved when preparing this bag and know where each outfit or nappy is and don’t leave it all to one person to decide. Knowing where things are will alleviate a lot of stress from mum and it will deter any anger propelled towards you from mum as you will be able to find anything she wants instantly.
The day before Kerr was born we were put in to a single room which was great for privacy and Emma was comfortable on the bed eagerly awaiting the start of her induction. I however, was sitting on the most uncomfortable chair known to man and made sure Emma was fully aware of how uncomfortable this waiting around was making me. I tossed and turned on that chair the whole day watching Doctor Who and scranned any food that was on offer, including the heavenly hospital tea and toast.
In the moment I wished I had read those books and watched those episodes of One Born Every Minute, not for the labour part, but to see what the dads and birthing partners did to help and support. When I look back, no amount of reading, watching or research would have prepared me for seeing the love of my life in so much pain and discomfort. I pride myself in making sure my family are safe, protected and loved every minute of the day. But on this day, I failed and that is okay. Birth is no normal day. Birth is a day that you will never forget, it is a day where you contemplate the big questions: Will I be a good dad? What if I don’t know what to do? Will he play rugby or football? If he chooses football I will have failed as a rugby dad!
However, the moment I had that little boy in my arms and lying on my chest nothing else mattered. Feeling that tiny little persons heart beat against my skin was the only thing I could care about and everything made sense. It was as if he was comforting me without even knowing he was doing it. I felt an instant confidence and connection and knew I wouldn’t get it right every time but I would do anything that little boy needs. If you are offered the chance to do skin to skin with your little one, go taps aff and experience one of the happiest moments of your life.
My main advice is be present, be involved, be there in the moment and do whatever your partner wants even if they don’t need it!